When Fans Attack
by FlittingGemini
Summary: Harry Potter has beaten the most evil wizard of all time, but what happens when he meets a crazy fangirl? Here is a possible scenario. Lightning fast Auror reflexes won't save Harry now. Rated for swearing.


**I do not own any Harry Potter characters. Jo Rowling does.**

**justanothermuggle and Ghostchicken are the proud owners of the 'particular' hex that is mentioned in here as well. **

**I also must admit that Joe Walker is on whom this crazy fan encounter is based.**

**I sure don't have much originality huh? ;)**

"BLOODY HELL!" screamed Ron as he caught Harry and Ginny thoroughly wrapped up in each other on the Burrow's sitting room sofa. Harry jumped a foot in the air and fell off the sofa red-faced.

"Can't I walk around in my own house at Christmas break without catching my sister and best mate going at it?" Ron said, his face going very red.

"Sod OFF Ron!" Ginny yelled in a voice that carried through the entire house. "Can't I have one afternoon with Hermione for a girl day? No! You have to monopolize her time by trying to knock her up!So I can snog Harry if I so please!"

Ron turned even redder as his mum poked her head out of the kitchen to stare suspiciously at him. Ron ignored her and glared at Harry as he started laughing.

Suddenly they heard footsteps coming from the stairway-

"Ginny I understand that you may be mad at Ron, but do you have to embarass me in front of your mum?" Hermione said cooly as she walked down the stairs with her nose in a tome of the current laws that claimed to be protecting the non-existant rights of the varied magical creatures.

"Sorry Hermione, no can do." Ginny said as she walked up to wrap her arms around Harry. "For once you're part of the problem and I have to take the mickey out of you for it."

"Oi! Thats it Ginny I-"

"You'll what Ronald?" Ginny said icily as she drew her wand. "Maybe I should use that new hex that Hermione and I have been developing this year." Ron stiffened at the sight of her wand but then said;

"I am an Auror in training Ginny, and in case you've forgotten I learned the counter-spell to the Bat-Bogey hex years ago, what do you think could make me cower?"

Ginny smiled sweetly as Hermione rolled her eyes and Harry flinched at his best mate's stupidity "Why simply a modification of that same hex you seem so immune to dear brother. How would you like to be covered in your own shit shit-for-brains?"

"What the-" Ron recoiled in horror and looked to Harry for help.

"OK thats enough!" said Harry "Look I think we all need to calm down and have a Butterbeer or two." "Lets go to the Hogs Head, it'll be my treat." Harry said trying to defuse the situation.

Ginny put her wand away with a huff and embraced Harry again as Hermione clasped Ron's hand affectionately. Ginny let go of Harry and said "Good idea love, that would certainly be a better choice than the Three Broomsticks or Apparting into the middle of Hogsmeade. We may even be able to avoid encounters with any teenage fangirls."

Harry blushed and the other three friends roared with laughter but they all agreed that the Hogs Head sounded lovely and after wrapping themselves in their cloaks, found themselves with the feeling of being sucked into a giant tube.

It was a very slow, quiet day in the Hogs Head and Aberforth was trying to occupy himself by 'cleaning' a bar glass with a filthy rag when four loud pops happened not ten feet away from him. The sudden noise caused Aberforth to jump about four feet in the air and drop the dirty glass which then shattered into a million pieces behind the bar. Aberforth swore at the top of his lungs and turned quickly to see who Apparated next to him and give them a piece of his mind. When he turned that quickly however his hand snagged a tap for butterbeer and spilled a great deal of it behind the bar.

"GODDAMMIT!" he screamed as he closed the tap. Aberforth finally turned to see four of the young heros of the Battle of Hogwarts laughing and red-faced at his misfortune. Now most people at seeing the heroes of the Wizarding world, would be shocked in a good way and pleased at their appearance, not this particular wizard.

"Dammit all to hell!" Aberforth yelled "I recently survived a bloody battle, but you seem bent on giving my 114 year old heart a heart attack! Are you trying to kill me?"

The four heroes were clutching their sides laughing hysterically at this point until Harry finally managed to catch his breath between laughs to say," Sorry Aberforth, its just that... all of that happened... within five seconds." Ron, Hermione and Ginny were still laughing but were starting to calm down at seeing the scowl on Aberforth's face.

"What the devil to you all want? Now that you've all gotten your laughs at my hearts' expense, I assume you're going to get something."

Harry chuckled and said "Can we get four Butterbeers please Aberforth?" "We just wanted some peace-" Aberforth sniffed "-and quiet, you know how hard it is for us famous kids." Harry grinned.

"For that Potter, I'll sell you the Butterbeer alright, but you can take a hike. May I suggest visiting that cave that your Godfather lived in all those years ago?" Aberforth replied snarkily.

Harry, Ron and Hermione's eyes widened and Ginny raised her eyebrow and said "So that's where you three were sending those food packages in my third year." Harry and Ron did a double take while Hermione just looked impressed. "Yes despite what Rita Skeeter, all of Harry's little fangirls and even Ron may think, I'm not stupid." At this Aberforh and Hermione laughed, Harry blushed and Ron looked sheepish.

"Well I still want you out of my pub so buy and go for a walk will you?" Aberforth chuckled.

"No problem Aberforth." said Hermione smiling "I hope we can still come in here again as long as we don't Apparte close to you again?"

"Of course." Aberforth said smiling back "Now get."

When Harry, Ginny, Hermione and Ron got their drinks, they headed out into the brisk December weather and headed for the cave they found themselves the object of many denizens of Hogsmeade also seemed to be respecting their desire for each others' company. So they continued their walk until the houses got scarcer and the terrian got more hilly. They were almost on the outskirts of Hogsmeade at which point Harry asked,

"So Ginny, if you knew about the food packages why didn't you confront us?"

"Oh I did Harry, I just asked Hermione since I knew Ron would snub me and you were to busy worrying about trying to survive the Triwizard tournament." She replied cheekily as Ron scowled and Hermione and Harry smiled.

"Oh? What did you tell her Hermione?" Harry asked

"I simply told her Harry, that it was a furry problem of yours that would be best known by as few people as possible." Hermione replied regally "I knew that you would throw a fit if I told her about Sirius without permission."

Ginny spoke up "I knew that you were nettled by the Tournament Harry, you had enough problems back the-"

"eeeeeeEAAYAAH!"

Suddenly Ginny was cut off by a screech that broke the still air. All four of them drew their wands and tried to look around for the source of the screech when Ron saw out of the corner of his eye, a teenage girl running towards them at breakneck speed. At the angle at which she was running at them he thought she was going to hit Hermione and Ginny and grabbed the both of them and shoved them behind him while yelling "Harry look ou-" before he could finish however the girl tackled Harry with all the gusto of a Muggle Rugby player.

"OOF!" Harry groaned as he was smashed into the ground. He ried to get up and the girl jumped off him in excitment and exclaimed. "Oh my GOD you're Harry Potter!" I'm a huge fan! Can you please sign my chocolate frog card?"

Ginny just stared nonplussed at the girl and Ron and Hermione stared at each other shocked at the girls' performance. Harry stood up awkwardly and concented to giving an autograph permitted she didn't touch his bruised ribs. Ron then said "Yeah she does seem like a great fan, just don't get on her bad side with that power." The girl screeched again " O wow Ron Weasley! I have your sister and girlfriends autographs, now I'm just missing yours! Can I please have it? You are such a gentleman and so brave! I saw you trying to protect Ginny and Hermione, sorry I scared you, I'm just so excited!"

Ron grinned and signed her chocolate frog card of himself and she ran away cheerfully. The two couples then glanced at each other and burst out laughing.

"I think it would be best if we went home." Harry said "I think my ribs are bruised and I don't want to risk another attack." The group laughed again as they nodded and Apparted to the Burrow.

**AN: I read somewhere that Albus Dumbledore was maybe 116 when he was murdered on the Astronomy tower in 1997, and that Aberforth is 3 years younger than Albus. So since this is set in the end of 1998 I figured that Aberforth would be about 114. Feel free to correct me in reviews and/or PMs if I'm wrong and I'll try to find out how to fix a story when it is already posted.**

**Keep reading my friends! fff**


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